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[profile] [Monday December 31st, 2012 at 12:01am] But when I finally leave this town Please don't throw Aggie from the bridge She said - Hey, hey, hey There's just one thing I know You'll find more posies in the used bin ( Than there are people at the show. ) 0 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&hearts 49] [Friday October 1st, 2010 at 4:14pm] We're home. Which is to say, Cherie and I are staying with Mother and Poppie. Mother, who insists that if anyone calls her "grandma", she's going to go off. So when Cherie gets old enough to say anything at all, we've decide Mamó will be easy enough for her to say. Thank you to everyone who stopped by and dropped off gifts. Echo - the unicorns are super adorable and she's already latched onto the blue one. Mister Jesse - I loved the roses and Daddy says thank you for everything else as well. I'm really thankful for everyone coming to keep me company for all those hours on Wednesday and all day yesterday as well. But I'm very glad we're home now and that everyone is doing well and she's very soundly sleeping at the moment. She doesn't like pianos, but she does like guitars - which very likely means that Poppie will be her babysitter if ever I need to actually sleep. She has the Song in her, though. I don't care who else helped create her - she's ours and she's part of the Song. If anyone would like to come visit, I humbly request you bring food as gifts. I saw the actual number of calories I need to take to feed this little angel and my jaw hit the floor. 32 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&hearts baby time!] [Wednesday September 29th, 2010 at 8:43am] In the weeks before, Twee has spent most of her days at her mother's apartment - it's quieter and she doesn't feel like she's so underfoot all the time when there aren't two other people and two other dogs there. Her father and Papa are going to go back to Memphis in a week and she'll be here staying with her mother and Poppie. In preparation for that, all of the her things and the baby things (there isn't much of a difference these days) have already been moved into what was once her father's room, then Blues' before he and her mother got married and combined sleeping spaces. It's just easier to stay here now. And to be honest, she likes the way it feels here. Indie has been gone to the store for almost two hours now; they sat together and had breakfast before she left. Now Twee is walking between the kitchen on one end of the house and the piano on the other end of the couch, trying to keep the slight pain of these not-quite-contractions at bay. She isn't sure if the time she spent with Echo's friend Pan was having any real effect - because she's been having these pseudo-contractions since Saturday night and they'd mellowed out the night before. But now they're starting to come on again. She isn't too concerned, she's read all the books and watched all the websites and knows that this is perfectly normal and doesn't necessarily mean that she should be rushing straight for the hospital. Still, she knows Blues stops what he's doing and looks up for a moment every time he hears her gasp at them. It's nearly 11 when Twee pauses and presses her fingers against her back as she sucks in a rough breath through her teeth. She leans against the counter for a moment until it subsides and then starts to make her way back to the living room, Dixie annoyingly underfoot. She's on her way back to the kitchen from the piano when she has to reach out and steady herself on the wall, another contraction hitting. As soon as she gets her balance again, she turns to look at Blues, but he's already at the door with her bag in hand. Twee nods, still bracing herself against the wall, and barely has the time to put her shoes on before she's being rushed out the door. [Texts to Emo, Johnny and Indie] All three texts are identical and sent from Twee's phone on the way to the hospital - proving, once again, that no matter what's going on a teenager can still text. On our way to the hospital. Be quick. 0 comments | reply | edit | memory

[♠ 48] [Sunday September 26th, 2010 at 5:13pm] One week left, give or take. And really, I'm hoping it's "take", because I was ready for this to be over with months ago - and I've been waiting for it to just happen for weeks now. I guess we know for future reference there will be no need for "future reference" that I'm not a very pleasant pregnant lady. Lots of thinking about things, lots of decisions being made. A few last minute ones that are apparently shocking to my parents. Or a relief, I don't know. I think I'm going to stay in New York until after Thanksgiving and then go to Memphis for the winter. There's been a bag packed next to the first outfit is all picked out and packed snugly in there and everyone is sort of on standby. I hate waiting. I can't do anything because the simple act of moving is painful at this point and I sort of just want it to be done now. I'm trying to be upbeat, but it's not the easiest thing to do lately. Soon, though. That's what I keep telling myself. Soon. 20 comments | reply | edit | memory

[♠ 47] [Wednesday September 1st, 2010 at 12:52am] One month left. Everything is baby-proofed and there are three fully furnished nurseries ready for a baby. I'm not doing much - not working, not playing, not really even writing because my ability to concentrate on anything for long is shot and I don't have the energy to do it even if I could concentrate. I can still walk to the Starbucks on the corner for my tea in the afternoon, though! This is a huge achievement since I feel like I'm carrying a watermelon around my waist. My dad asked me yesterday whether I want to deliver here in New York or in Memphis. I know what he really wants to know is whether he and Johnny are staying here for another month or if they can take me back to Tennessee with them. Part of me wants to stay here so I can call everyone that needs to be called when it's time, but then I remember... Who do I have? My parents, that's it, and whether I'm in New York or in Tennessee, that's not going to change. So I guess it really doesn't matter where I am - except that my dad and Johnny will be a lot happier there than here. I guess I made my decision, then. I took a semester-long personal leave from school - so that will give me until January to adjust to everything and find a babysitter during the day if I even decide to go back at all. There's a lot more to think about in the next month and a lot of decisions left to make. ( Private ) 0 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&spades 46] [Friday August 6th, 2010 at 2:11pm] My father has hip hop artists in the studio today. At least he's all-inclusive; he says the scene isn't just about Daddy's music and stuff that no one wants to listen to anyhow, it's about trends. I guess it put me in a mood. Though maybe hormones in rapid flux are to blame as well. He called me on something today, finally figured out where Nadia's name came from. I wish he would have yelled, but he didn't. He just went back to his studio shaking his head. It's not my fault I take after Daddy in ways that he hates. ( And you can see my heart beating, you can see it through my chest. I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving... ) ( And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you. Don't even realize the way you hit me, do you? It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back, and you're the one to blame. ) ( Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano. ) 13 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&hearts 45] [Sunday July 18th, 2010 at 12:32am] ( Baby stuff ) Three more songs recorded in the last week, in between other people's sessions and whenever I have time to pop in and do something. Nothing I have to have a lot of air to do, of course, because taking really deep breaths is sort of difficult thanks to Nadia, but it's getting done. Maybe by the end of October we'll have a full album. Who knows. I should be concentrating on all the summer work I have to do for Julliard or at least sending all my compositions to Gramps to see what he thinks of them (just kidding about the Gramps thing, Classical, you don't look a day over "distinguished"). And this is what I started working on ( today ) 27 comments | reply | edit | memory

[Saturday July 10th, 2010 at 3:25pm] ( Private to Punk ) 10 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&hearts 44] [Wednesday June 23rd, 2010 at 12:46am] Well... that was an entirely uneventful Sunday, with the vague exception of Papa being a silly old sap, but he usually is about these kinds of things, so I'd braced myself for an afternoon of hanging out and watching him awkwardly try not to be a silly old sap. And now they've gone back to Memphis and I have the big old apartment to myself except for when Mother comes over. It's like Hipster Meals on Wheels. But I'm not quite enormous enough that I can't get out of bed and waddle down to my car to go out myself. I think she'd just been in a girl-body too long and she's starting to get some dreaded maternal instincts. She's weird trying to be maternal; I honestly don't think she knows how to do it. But then she dragged me down to the studio saying that I needed to learn how to run the "family business" and ended up sticking me in a recording booth for three and a half hours which is how we came up with this. It's my Daddy's favorite song and how he picked our last names when he and Mother first picked them up back in England. When I start feeling lost it's the song that always reminds me of him. So I suppose it's another late Father's Day present. 1 comments | reply | edit | memory

[father's day gifts] [Sunday June 20th, 2010 at 6:32am] Left on the kitchen table for when Johnny and Emo get out of bed on Sunday morning are a series of boxes. The first two, a very large one a very small one, are tagged with pieces of grey paper. The second two, both relatively the same size, are tagged with pieces of bright blue paper. Delivered to Indie and Blues' apartment just before lunch on Sunday are a series of four boxes, all roughly the same size. The first two are tagged with dark blue pieces of paper; the lyrics on the first gift are "Preaching the Blues". The second two are tagged with bright pink pieces of paper. Delivered to Apollo is a single box. 0 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&spades 43] [Thursday June 10th, 2010 at 5:31pm] [Locked from Parents; Including Johnny & Blues] Father's Day is ten days away. How do you shop for your parents when the one who is usually your father is currently your mother and the one who is usually your mother is currently your father? Do I get something for both of them? Neither of them? And what about step-parents since it seems that I have a couple of those as well? I don't know what the protocol for all of this is and, quite frankly, I really don't give a crap right now either. Last year wasn't this difficult, I was quite happily in the middle of nowhere with no parents to worry about and definitely no baby on the way and no dead-beat babydaddy off who-knows-where doing who-knows-whom. Maybe after October I'll just go away again and find some nice, quiet place to hide and pretend that I'm normal. 22 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&hearts 42] [Monday May 31st, 2010 at 4:13pm] I felt her kick. ( More baby stuff under here. You have been warned. ) 3 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&spades 41] [Wednesday May 12th, 2010 at 6:59pm] [Locked from Greeks] I've been trying to call him for a week, to no answer. Yesterday I went to his apartment and there was a stack of old mail that hadn't been brought in and no sign that anyone's been there recently. It was neat, ordered, exactly as I remembered it being the last time I was here. The baby's room is still perfect. But it's cold and the feel of him there is gone. I didn't remember until this morning the last thing that he said to me - that he loved me and to tell my parents thank you for taking care of me. I guess I didn't realize, then, what that meant. But I know now. I am glad he said something before going, though. About the most I could get done today was moving the baby's things into my dad's apartment. I had Mac and his little brother helping me out so I didn't have to bother Daddy at work for it. Now I just... I don't know. I had been preparing myself for this to happen eventually, so I guess it's not so much of a shock. But with everything else that feels like it's happening, I'm not sure I know what to do anymore. I tell myself that he'll be back, but I know that it just won't be the same. And with Him all but gone as well, there's just... I don't know. If everything felt wrong before, everything feels worse today. 8 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&spades 40] [Friday April 30th, 2010 at 12:15pm] Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty Because of you I am afraid Can you people stop getting married now? I'm running out of parental titles for everyone and it's hard to keep it all straight in my head. It's hard to explain that my daddy is going to go see my mother and her new spouse when I have to adjust from calling aforementioned spouse one title to another and nothing sounds right. There are, officially, too many men in my life. Which, I suppose, makes it a bad thing that I have this creeping suspicion Papa means to introduce me to someone this weekend at the Derby. I'm not sure how to feel about that, but with all things considered, maybe it is time for me to start letting other people make those decisions for me, since I apparently suck at it. But I don't know... Everything feels wrong right now. Like there's so much out of control and too much happening at once and I just wish things would settle long enough for me to know what's actually going on around me for a change. The few things that actually make sense are even in flux right now. Can things please, please just stop being so insane for a day or two so I can get my feet back under me? Please? 42 comments | reply | edit | memory

[Saturday April 17th, 2010 at 1:38am] ( Private to Apollo ) 4 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&hearts 39] [Thursday April 15th, 2010 at 6:24pm] I'm having a girl. I just thought people would like to know. ( Private to Emo & Johnny ) 4 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&spades 38] [Monday April 5th, 2010 at 5:38pm] [Locked from Parents] It just occurred to me... Mother is on her road-trip with Uncle Blues and Daddy is back down South with Papa. That means I have no parents in the entire state right now. Right, right. I think we all remember what happened last time I was left unsupervised in New York City. But I don't plan to go running off to meet strangers in parts of town I really shouldn't be in anyhow. But that doesn't mean I don't have the desire to cause some mischief. I've been, for lack of a better word, bored lately. Going out for dinner every once in a while is great, but it's not much for breaking up the monotony of constant homework, rehearsing and more homework. And there's only so much shopping I can do before I have everything I want. And it's not like I'm a blimp yet. I still have a few more weeks before my potential social life starts being seriously affected by the baby-to-be. And it probably doesn't help any that I haven't been feeling as perky as usual. I've stopped dreaming, I've stopped seeing him. I guess I expected that to happen sooner or later, but I didn't expect it to be so soon. And what did I want? I don't even know. But it never feels good when you feel like you've been abandoned. I guess nothing comes without an expiration date. But why did it have to be now - now when I need him the most and nothing feels right without- It doesn't matter. I need to go out, I need to do something, I need to have fun before I go insane! 8 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&hearts 37] [Sunday March 21st, 2010 at 8:30am] ( Baby updates, plus a note to Echo ) 10 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&hearts 36] [Wednesday March 17th, 2010 at 6:31pm] I don't know whether to be glad or disappointed that my hair's gone dark recently. One the one hand, I didn't have to explain to any idiots the difference between being Irish and being Scottish but I also don't get to answer why I don't celebrate this stupid holiday with a "I'm not Catholic, I'm pagan, and Apollo's festivals are much more awesome." At least, I guess, no one at school asked me if I was going to go out drinking tonight. The answer to that one is getting more and more obvious every day. We did make green cupcakes today, though! Not sure who has a worse sweet-tooth, me or the little girl. 6 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&hearts 35] [Monday March 15th, 2010 at 9:30pm] Woke up this morning with two-dozen pink roses and seventeen white roses sitting on the desk in my dorm room from Daddy and Mother. Then Lauren made me strawberry cupcakes with bright pink frosting! She said that my "sister" had called her earlier in the week to ask her to let her up so she could bring the flowers up and that's how she knew. Not that I tried to keep it some big secret, but I just didn't want anyone making a big deal out of it. I told her that seventeen is a lame birthday anyhow - not like sixteen or twenty-one. Then I went over to Mother's apartment after class, for dinner, and Papa got this absolutely beautiful crib for the baby that has to be the single most stunning piece of furniture I've ever seen. Maybe it's the hormones talking, but I started to cry a little when I saw it. There was also really pretty rocking chair with it that Daddy bought for me. He called and said that he thought I'd prefer to have things for the baby instead of more stuff for myself since I have so much stuff anyhow. And really it was the nice, mellow birthday I was hoping to have. Apollo, do you think you could come over and get them to put in the baby's room? Do we have a room for the baby yet? 8 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&hearts 34] [Friday March 5th, 2010 at 5:20am] ( Congratulations! You have a fetus... ) 30 comments | reply | edit | memory

[Thursday March 4th, 2010 at 9:18pm] [Private to Parents] Family meeting. ASAP. Daddy's apartment. [/] [Private to Apollo] They're finally all in one place. I'll be at my daddy's apartment in half an hour. Sorry it's such short notice, but I'm going to chicken out again if I don't just suck it up and do it now. [/] 4 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&spades 33] [Tuesday March 2nd, 2010 at 5:39pm] Maybe I'm just deranged And on the rebound Maybe love was the thing Holding me back from all... My date last night went well. We've scheduled a third date. I won't say anything more about it because I might actually like this guy and I don't want to jinx it. He's funny and he's different. I like different. It's been a very hard week. I'm glad Daddy is feeling better, though. It's much easier to concentrate on class work when I know that he's in good hands. Everything here felt wrong with Papa not around. Who could have ever thought that taking someone away from their family would be a positive thing? But he's back now and everything's right again. And he better never go away like that again! Because, really. It's just not fair to take a little girl's dad away from her. Even if she has three of them. ( Locked from Family & Apollo ) Apollo, I think I'm ready to tell them now. When can you be available? 22 comments | reply | edit | memory

[&spades 32] [Saturday February 27th, 2010 at 1:22am] I gave Daddy one very good reason to pull it together. No one else heard. He's not in top shape just yet, but he'll be by Father's side when he gives the press release tomorrow. I'm really trying not to stress out right now. I've looked up a few yoga classes online and I think I'm going to give one of them a shot - not that I don't want to be here with my daddy right now, because I do, but at this point we're all just crowding him and one of us needs to actually leave this house for longer than it takes to walk the dog. Besides, everyone is going Home for a while and I'm going to have to stay here because of school, so I need something to occupy my afternoons so I'm not worrying constantly about whether or not I'm going to get a call that someone's jumped out of some fortieth-story window or something equally as stupid and ridiculous. But you know what? As long as there's been art, there's been censorship and someone trying to ban it. If I can walk into a Barnes and Nobel and buy every piece of work Anais Nin ever wrote, apparently putting things on banned lists doesn't work very well. So what if one day you might need to be 18 or 21 to buy a My Chemical Romance album or something by someone like them. I look sixteen and I could walk into any liquor store in this city with a fake ID and buy enough alcohol to kill a horse. Music isn't something that you can ban, prohibit, destroy or censor. Music is the air we breathe, it's the blood that pumps through our veins, it's at the very essence of our souls and we will never stop feeling or expressing it. We will never die, we can not be put down and just because some blonde-haired, soccer mom hick from Iowa thinks that banning a musical genre based on feelings that everyone has will suddenly eliminate destructive teen behavior doesn't mean it's actually true. Newsflash! It's not just my daddy's followers who self-harm. Every pop princess who ever shoved her finger down her throat because she hates herself is doing the same thing as the kid who locks herself in the bathroom stall at school right next to her to slice up her arms. Did you realize that Demi Lovato is a cutter? She's about as far from "emo" as you can get. Going to ban Disney next? 10 comments | reply | edit | memory

[Friday February 26th, 2010 at 7:36am] ( Delivered to Johnny ) 0 comments | reply | edit | memory

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